HUGH'S STORY

This story was submitted by Hugh’s Mama – Mary LaRochelle

The Night had come, the night I’d finally be able to meet my baby. My husband and I sat on the couch and watched a Christmas movie, ate some homemade cookies, and felt the baby kick in my belly.

Around midnight, I started having bad cramping and I thought something I ate wasnt agreeing. After an hour and a half, I realized I was in labor, but nothing felt normal about this labor. It was different than my first and I was in extreme pain, I felt like I was going to pass out. My husband called the ambulance and I was taken to the hospital (it was the hardest ride of my life as I was at 6cm and strapped down).

When we arrived, a nurse started checking for the heartbeat with the doppler and she was having a hard time finding it, I thought “the baby must be in a weird position”… And then they checked on an ultrasound and the doctor turned around, looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat”.

My husband fell to his chair in tears. I looked at her in disbelief and couldn’t form any words. I couldn’t process the emotion ye, I was in so much physical pain that I had to focus on breathing. They told me I still had to deliver as planned and I felt my heart shattered in that moment. I asked for an epidural, because at this point I couldn’t focus enough to manage the pain I was feeling, the emotional shock was too distracting. I was told I couldn’t get an epidural because the doctor was in the OR and they were not sure when we would be out. My heart sank lower and fear set in… “God help me through this” is what I started to cry. I went all the way to 10cm, the worst physical and emotional pain I had ever experienced in my life, without any pain medication. When it came time to push, the doctor came in with a fast working epidural and I pushed my beautiful son out within 30 minutes. I was proud of myself in that moment, but heartache set in fast when I didn’t hear him cry.

Hugh Everett LaRochelle was stillborn at 5:39am on November 21st, 2020. He is an absolutely handsome baby boy. We got to hold him, sing to him, bless him, and cuddle him. I miss him tremendously and Im still in shock that he was taken from us so soon.

It’s been a very long and hard few weeks. I’ve been learning that grieving has no timeline and to feel what I need to feel. I’ve been leaning on God and my faith to pull me through this. I’ve been talking to God about my anger, sadness, frustration, and joy. If I didn’t have faith, there would be no hope in this situation. However, I have hope and knowledge that I will see my baby Hugh again in Heaven. That’s the peace I’m currently holding on to.