Jessica's Story

Ever since I was a little girl, my greatest dream was to have my own daughter. I first became pregnant in 2020 and lost my first baby at 13 weeks along. It was traumatic. It happened in the middle of Sunday morning church. I felt a gush of blood pour down my leg. We immediately rushed to the hospital but something inside of me knew it was over. My Sunday dress was covered in blood as I entered the hospital. I was having the worst cramps of my life. Then, came those haunting words, “We can’t find a heartbeat”. We were devastated. Our first baby was gone. It was the week before Valentine’s Day. February 7th, 2021. Four months later, I found out I was pregnant again! I was so hopeful and overjoyed! When we found out we were having a girl I could not contain my joy. It seemed too good to be true. I was due on Valentine’s Day 2022. God had given me my rainbow baby! So we picked out a name. Her name would be Rayelle, which means light of God. It was the most beautiful name I’d ever heard and I was so excited to give this name to my daughter. Throughout my pregnancy, I referred to her as my Raya Girl, and it stuck. Pregnancy was a dream. She constantly kicked and moved. I felt healthier and happier than I’ve ever been as I carried her! At every appointment we only heard good news. She was growing perfectly and had a strong heartbeat! I had never looked forward to valentines like I did this year. As her due date approached, her nursery was filled with all the beautiful little girl things she would ever need and more! Her nursery became my prayer room. I would thank God every day for Raya and pray that her life would change the world for the better. Early Sunday morning on February 6th, I woke up with contractions. Finally! I was so excited! The contractions were soft so I wasn’t in too much of a hurry. I began to pack and get things ready expecting to leave later that afternoon. But things progressed quickly and I woke my husband. By 7am we were walking into the hospital. I had a beautiful labor and delivery with very minimal pain. Even through the toughest part, all I could think about was holding my Raya girl. Her heartbeat was steady and everything seemed perfect. And 3:45, the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on was placed in my arms. She was finally here! She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and time seemed to stop. I had imagined this moment all of my life. I had only held her for a few seconds when she bagan gasping for air. She never cried. The nurses rushed her away and my room was suddenly filled with 20 people all trying to save her. I prayed. I cried. I had no clue what was happening. After 35 minutes which felt like 30 seconds, the pediatrician came to me and through her tears said, “I couldn’t save her”. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Didn’t I just give birth to a perfect baby girl? “Just bring her to me”, I said. All I wanted was to hold her. She was gone. But she just looked as if she was sleeping peacefully. She was beautiful. The most precious thing I’ve ever held in my life. I was fighting so many thoughts and emotions all at once. But I picked one and clang onto into it. I picked joy. Because today was was daughters birthday. “I will have the rest of my life to cry for her”, I thought, “But today I will celebrate because today is her birthday”. I held her and loved her for the next 24 hours. I tried my best to memorize every detail about her. I wrapped her in my favorite swaddle put a bow in her gorgeous black hair. She was my rainbow baby. Although I wasn’t able to bring her home in my arms, I brought her home in my heart. She changed me. She’s taught me so many things and continues to teach me everyday. She taught me the true meaning of love. I’ll always love you my Raya girl and I can’t wait to see you again.