Letter to Emma at 6 months

Dear Emma,

Today you would be six months old. Today I’ve survived half a year without you.

It’s easy for my mind to run away and imagine it all. Imagine what we would be doing together today as a family if you were here. Maybe a walk on the beach just me, you & your daddy. I picture us walking w/ you being held oh-so proudly in your daddy’s arms. I picture your daddy giving you raspberries on your tummy just so we could hear you squeal with baby laughter. I picture us both laughing with you just marveling at how you’ve grown.

I wish this were my reality. But it’s not. I’m hit with that painful reminder every single day.

The truth is Emma, when you died six months ago, my heart shattered into a million pieces. It’s like when you drop a glass vase on the floor & you’re looking at it and you just know that it’ll be impossible to glue back together. I thought the same of my heart.

But the cool thing about God is that nothing is impossible for Him. Slowly and carefully he has taken my heart, piece by piece, & started to put it back together. And to do that, He is using YOU.

More people than I can count have reached out to me these last 6 months telling me how YOU are impacting their life. How your story is making their faith stronger and bringing them closer to Jesus.

Hearing these stories is slowly putting my broken heart back together. It’s helping me get up every morning & sleep every night. It’s helping me push deeper into my faith. It’s helping me be more bold w/ sharing my heart. It’s helping me even smile & feel small bursts of joy again.

God is slowly restoring my heart using YOU💜. You are impacting your momma, baby girl! You have changed me. Gosh I wish you were here. But I know I’ll see you again. Maybe one day In heaven I’ll get to hear those squeals of laughter from you & see your daddy hold you proudly in his arms. Maybe I’ll get to experience all those 6 month milestones with you that I’m missing now. I’m holding onto that dream. Until then, I’m going to keep making you proud by living with you in my heart.

Thank you for impacting my life these last 6 months my Emma Lee. Thank you for making me a momma.

I love you so much💜

Love, Your Mom